Walking with God

Over the last week it's been on the back of my mind that I am not as close to God as I used to be.

I don't know if this an age thing, and in growing up I have become less 'emotion based' and so I don't get the 'bubbly feelings' any more. Or maybe I'm just in a time where I don't 'need' God so obviously. Of course, I always need Him, but throughout my first year at Aber I suffered from depression and my family was going through a really tough time, in this year I felt God really closely. I guess life in general is much better than it was and I'm no longer suffering from depression, maybe then I don't need so much obvious support and closeness to keep me going.

I've just found it difficult remembering walking with Him and being close to Him, being confident of who I was in Him and in His love for me. I know things are always greener on the other side, and I'm not saying it was like this all the time, but I just miss it.

I remember walking around Aber, on the sea front or up Constitution Hill and feeling God there, right next to me. I used to feel Him in my room with me and I'd regularly worship at the top of my lungs in my room and spend hours with Him reading my Bible.

I'm currently in the process of reading three books: 1. Growing in Christ, 2. Knowing God, 3. Disciplines of a Godly Woman. They have already taught me quite a bit. I've finished the first section of Growing in Christ and it was really helpful at looking at the basics of the Christian faith, in a lot of detail. Packer goes through the Apostle's Creed bit by bit and explains it, taking each section back to Christ's faithfulness and love for us. Knowing God looks at more practical ways of getting to really know God and Disciplines of a Godly Woman (which I've only just really started) looks at spiritual discipline that will help us grow.

While all these books focus on the Gospel and God's greatness and are really very great, I've finding it hard to understand the Gospel in its fullness again, I just don't know how. I've been working my way through John's gospel which has been really helpful, but again I'm left with the same issue. - It feels awkward.

I feel really very awkward when I feel like God may be drawing closer, and so I push away. I don't want to, its just a reaction. I find the same thing when I pray with people or talk with people about God, I just feel like 'whoa this is so cheesy and cringe worthy'.

I do know that God is good, and I know He is faithful, but I want to be able to walk with Him again and not feel awkward, not feel cheesy and not feel weird. He is a good God and I know that in His time He will bring me back into His arms.

Freshers Flood

Well, last week was rather crazy - the freshers arrived!

Aber is again considerably busier than it has been for months and it is impossible to find a decent parking space! I've now gotten into the habit of when I get a parking space near the house, I don't use my car for a few days so that I can keep the spot - makes no sense really as I'm not benefiting from the parking space as I'm not using my car from it... but I guess it's there in emergencies!

I've been really good this term (so far)! I have only driven up the hills once and that was to help take things up for Fresher's Fayre! :) That makes a massive difference to last year! Oh, and it isn't just because I haven't been going up the hill because I have! :) I've walked up it loads in the last few weeks - more than I did in the whole of last year probably!

Having the freshers arriving also meant lots of CU/Church events... freshers' week was very busy! I didn't get involved as much as I would have liked though (I slept through prayer meeting and so didn't get to sign up to things - but I did ask to be on things any way :) )... We had a lot of freshers round at our house after the events though so we've definitely gotten to know people which is great :)

In fact, after CU on Friday Malcolm, Laura, Kirsty and I came home with a group of freshers (8/10 of them) and had just started playing a game when Isaac and folk came in with nearly everyone else! It was insane! We didn't even count how many there were but there were more than enough for an EPIC game of Articulate... we had 6/7 groups of 5-6 people... it was crazy! But fun :)

Sunday lunches have also been a bit crazy... Fresher's Sunday we invited back a group of people and I ended up making roast dinner for 18 people (Thank you Jesus for multiplying food! <- He's good at that!) and then last Sunday we made dinner for 20 people! 38 people in a week can't be bad! I was quite impressed if I say so myself, I've never really been amazingly skilled at the cooking front but people seemed to really like it (in fact, some were commenting to others about how good it was) :D

I was going to title this blog post 'back to routine', but I haven't really yet settled into a routine... this week is a seminar-less week and I have been given LOADS of shifts at work so it's been a bit crazy and definitely not standard routine...

Also, a quite add... thank you ever so much to Rachel from Dreaming of the Country for giving me a blog award :) And a very big welcome if you've found me through her post! :)

Birthday weekends

My birthday is on 4th May, my cousin's is on the 6th May. It was tradition that every year we would have a birthday weekend on the May Day Bank Holiday, however as I moved to Aber last year we weren't able to do so.

On Thursday I came home for the weekend as a surprise as it was mum's birthday on Sunday. I texted my youngest sister and asked her to postpone tea for me and make sure mum didn't know. However, by the time I had arrived it was pretty clear that I was coming as Esther had asked for an extra place setting to be set for her imaginary friend... oh dear... 

We were all ready for a birthday weekend for me and mum when on Friday my aunt asked whether they should be arriving on the Friday night or the Saturday morning. My other sister (Rebekah) had invited them, which was 100% fine, but had not told mum that they had said yes! 

So Esther and myself, after a lovely walk in the grounds.... 

set to tidying the house! 

My Aunt, Uncle and two cousins were here for the Friday night and Saturday and it was a lovely day :) We sat and had a picnic breakfast and lunch in the garden while our Uncle practised his first aid for a test on us - Rebekah was awfully good at playing dead! After that we went for another walk in the grounds... there's a beautiful bit with a lake that I've never been to which shows just how lazy I am! They hold weddings by the lake - its so beautiful! We collected pine cones as well for the fire :) 

It's been a wonderful weekend, yesterday (Mum'd birthday) was wonderful too with lots of food, puzzles and a lovely walk :) 

It's been a really nice weekend just relaxing at home :)