Search me and know me

I read this last night and was just struck by the beauty of it.


O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!

(Psalm 139 ESV)

A prayerful person's heart...

'[A prayerful person's] heart is ever lifted up to God at all times and in all places. In this [they are] never hindered, much less interrupted, by any person or thing... [Their] heart is ever with the Lord. Whether [they] lie down or rise up, God is in all [their] thoughts; [they walk] with God continually.'
   - John Welsey

This is such a challenge. A beautiful challenge. And it is something I've desired for such a long time.

I want to be someone who is consistently in a place of prayer. Someone who doesn't mind stopping and praying for someone crying on the train, someone who prays for those around her continually. Sometimes prayer can feel like such a burden when I know I have to pray for someone, but when I finally pray I feel like I could pray for hours. I just need to place my heart in such a place.

I want my heart to be 'ever with the Lord'. It would be so amazing. To have God in my heart and mind and soul continuously would result in me having such a close relationship with Him. A relationship I'd do anything for - however hard that may be to say... and actually do.

The repercussions of such a heart and place of prayer would be wholesome and pure. It would be harder for me to sin. When I'd sin, I'd immediately repent and ask for forgiveness. In receiving that forgiveness my heart would be so full of God's grace. This would lead to me being more gracious and patient with those around me. Which would lead to a clear pouring of God's love on those around me. Which would, I'd hope and have seen, lead people to be more loving and gracious to those around them.

This cycle would lead to a deeper understanding of God's amazing grace and love and would lead to a deeper relationship with Him.

Please pray that I will have a prayerful person's heart and that this would lead to growth in my relationship with Him.

And please challenge me to pray for you, even if you just bump into me in the street.

Christ-Centred Worship

'Has it ever occurred to you that one hundred pianos all tuned to the same fork are automatically tuned to each other? They are of one accord being tuned, not to each other, but to one standard to which each one must bow. So one hundred worshippers met together, each one looking away to Christ, are in heart nearer to each other than they could possibly be were they to become "unity" conscious and turn their eyes away from God to strive for closer fellowship' - A.W.Tozer

How beautiful is that! When we worship together, focussing on Christ, we are united and we sing and pray as one. This seems to make sense of the idea that we will all worship in one voice in Heaven - the voice of that focussed on Christ.

This notion of true Christ-centred worship is just beautiful. The worship that focusses on Christ's awesome power rather than our problems or even our "awesomeness" in pride. How amazing is it to be able to sit back and think that all that matters in life, ALL that matters, is Christ and His person; what He has done for us; His love for us. In the end of the day it doesn't matter if I leave uni with a first or a third, ALL that matter is Christ. It doesn't matter if I find a job, ALL that matters is Christ. It doesn't matter whether I ever get married or have children, ALL that matters is Christ. How freeing is that!!

I'm not at all saying its easy if stuff doesn't happen in our lives, but if we re-align our focus to Christ, all that we get is blessing and in the end of the day, we have to worship. We're drawn to worship Him because He truly is worthy of it.

'HE is the image of the invisible God, the first-born of all creation. For by HIM all things were created, in Heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities - all things were created through HIM and for HIM. And HE is before all things, and in HIM all things hold together. And HE is the head of the body, the church. HE is the beginning, the first-born from the dead, that in everything HE might be pre-eminent. For in HIM all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through HIM to reconcile to HIMself all things, whether on earth or in Heaven, making peace by the blood of HIS cross.
And you, who were once alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, HE has now reconciled in HIS body of flesh by HIS death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before HIM...'
 - Colossians 1:15-23

How amazing is it when we focus on Christ and His glory!

Please also take a look at my boyfriend, Tom's, blog :)

Walking with God

Over the last week it's been on the back of my mind that I am not as close to God as I used to be.

I don't know if this an age thing, and in growing up I have become less 'emotion based' and so I don't get the 'bubbly feelings' any more. Or maybe I'm just in a time where I don't 'need' God so obviously. Of course, I always need Him, but throughout my first year at Aber I suffered from depression and my family was going through a really tough time, in this year I felt God really closely. I guess life in general is much better than it was and I'm no longer suffering from depression, maybe then I don't need so much obvious support and closeness to keep me going.

I've just found it difficult remembering walking with Him and being close to Him, being confident of who I was in Him and in His love for me. I know things are always greener on the other side, and I'm not saying it was like this all the time, but I just miss it.

I remember walking around Aber, on the sea front or up Constitution Hill and feeling God there, right next to me. I used to feel Him in my room with me and I'd regularly worship at the top of my lungs in my room and spend hours with Him reading my Bible.

I'm currently in the process of reading three books: 1. Growing in Christ, 2. Knowing God, 3. Disciplines of a Godly Woman. They have already taught me quite a bit. I've finished the first section of Growing in Christ and it was really helpful at looking at the basics of the Christian faith, in a lot of detail. Packer goes through the Apostle's Creed bit by bit and explains it, taking each section back to Christ's faithfulness and love for us. Knowing God looks at more practical ways of getting to really know God and Disciplines of a Godly Woman (which I've only just really started) looks at spiritual discipline that will help us grow.

While all these books focus on the Gospel and God's greatness and are really very great, I've finding it hard to understand the Gospel in its fullness again, I just don't know how. I've been working my way through John's gospel which has been really helpful, but again I'm left with the same issue. - It feels awkward.

I feel really very awkward when I feel like God may be drawing closer, and so I push away. I don't want to, its just a reaction. I find the same thing when I pray with people or talk with people about God, I just feel like 'whoa this is so cheesy and cringe worthy'.

I do know that God is good, and I know He is faithful, but I want to be able to walk with Him again and not feel awkward, not feel cheesy and not feel weird. He is a good God and I know that in His time He will bring me back into His arms.

The Sweeney Wedding

Last weekend saw the wedding of two of the most wonderful people I know.. Hannah Purnell and Alistair Sweeney.

The wedding was beautiful!

It was such a moving wedding. I found it so hard not to cry all the way through!

It was really moving and the love they have for each other and God was so clear throughout the whole service. 

Ali's speech at the reception was so moving! I nearly cried!

(the lego was Ali's one request)

After the honeymoon the Sweeneys will be off to Leicester to start a church with a church plant from their current church in Derby. I know that God will use them both greatly. They are a wonderful and wonderfully blessed couple.

I am so happy for them :)

20...

I must apologise for not writing as much recently, it is the end of term and essays, exams, and the sun are becoming very prominent in my life for now.


I was just on facebook procrastinating and found a quote on a friend's status:
'When you have no helpers, see all your helpers in God. When you have many helpers, see God in all your helpers. When you have nothing but God, see all in God; when you have everything, see God in everything. Under all conditions, stay thy heart only on the Lord.' -Charles H. Spurgeon


I just thought it was really beautiful, and rather relevant for this time of year; when things are busy and focus is on so much that God can get pushed out of the picture. 


I realise that I haven't said anything about New Word Alive since returning, and this is a fail 
indeed. 


New Word Alive was really helpful for me. I found it both encouraging and challenging.


I am going to share a couple of things from that week... 


1. God is all. 
One thing that has stuck with me the most is that God doesn't need us, that we aren't important. Now, don't get me wrong, He wants us and to Him we are incredibly important and precious. But for His plan to work, we aren't the responsible ones. 
We have our roles, but we aren't needed: 

It isn't our faith... it's God's faithfulness.

2. To love God, we must understand His love for us.
In life people may let us down. Friends, family and loved ones can make us feel unloved. But we still love them. This love for them, however, can be from our own will (even if only for a short while). We can choose to love them anyway.
With God, a being that we can't always see and feel, it can be really hard to love Him. I know that sounds terrible, but it's true... at least for me. But I know that the only way I can love Him is through His love for me.  
Just think about that for a moment... 

The only way I can love Him, is through His love for me...

While that can sound like a 'cop-out', handing all responsibility over to God, it is amazing in itself! and guess what... God already has that responsibility, not in a burdensome way, but because He is Love! 

When we find it hard to love God, just think about His love for us... remind yourself of the Gospel and all its greatness!

It is so freeing to realise that everything is on God!

This doesn't mean that we are to be lazy... God's love should spur us into action and love for others. 

Tapping into the source of Love can only lead to a constant flow of love!

It is so beautiful to think of God and His love for us! :) 

And what a beautiful thing to reflect on in the first steps of my year as 20! :) 

The Joy that overflows with His Love!